PositivelyNellie

A Mother’s Love

 

Making the decision to have a child is momentous—it is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  --Elizabeth Stone, Village Voice

I can think of many times I’ve felt this way.  Times like when my kids started school for the first time, or more recently, when my older son moved away to college.  Those grueling teenage years had come to an end.  I didn’t think the day would ever come, but lo and behold, it did.  Hallelujah!  It was time for my son to pack it up and move on down the road (while I still had my sanity!) 

I immediately started making plans to get out the vacuum cleaner, cleaning supplies, dust rags and spend several hours cleaning his bedroom.  How nice it would be to walk in there and not trip, sneeze, or throw my hands in the air in disgust. You know, I could even get a new comforter, a nice floral painting for the wall, new curtains and this room could be a great guest bedroom!  I was starting to see pictures in my head from a Martha Stewart magazine. 

But wait a minute. Something was not right.  My son had just left about 30 minutes ago to head off to college.  I was sitting on his empty bed and listening to the quietness.  Quietness.  (I could have heard the crickets chirping if I listened close enough.)  This was something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. As I looked around his room at the empty walls that once had posters of his favorite video games and bands, I wondered what happened to all the wonderful thoughts I had earlier?  Instead I had tears running down my face.  And I felt my heart had just left my chest.  What was this?  I was confused.  My blissful thoughts had turned to mush!  I thought to myself, “Ok, let’s think about this.” 

Less laundry

Less cooking

Less cleaning

(Basically, less maid duties)

Less arguing

Something doesn’t add up here.  This sounds wonderful! I should be bouncing with joy.  So what’s with the tears? 

As I sat on his bed I wondered where all the years had gone.  I reminisced about the birthday parties, slumber parties, dressing him up at Halloween, transporting kids to the movies and everywhere else, listening to his generation of music (and even liking some of it), and so many more adventures.  

Then I remembered holding him as a newborn.  I never will forget right before his dad and I took our new son home from the hospital, the nurse came in one last time. I must have had a petrified look on my face because I didn’t have a clue how to take care of this new baby.  I had never babysat before and didn’t have younger siblings.  This was all new to me.  The nurse reassured me everything would be fine and sure enough it was.  And somehow we managed to raise a great son, plus add one more to the family tree.   And the cycle began all over again.

As it turned out on that August day, I looked around his room and noticed he had indeed taken a few minutes to clean up some before he left.  Could it be that I was starting to see a glimpse of a young man about to embark on a new journey towards adulthood?  I hoped and prayed that maybe… just maybe…  those crazy past years that went by so quickly, were molding a foundation that he could use for himself, and to teach his own family one day.   So I wiped my tears away, straightened a few remaining items in his bedroom, and left things just like they were, hoping he would find time in his busy life to come home every now and then.  And once again I will have the privilege of cooking his meals and doing all those things I so loved doing as a mom and will always cherish in my heart….wherever my heart may be!    

Psalms 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward.